I sneak behind,
at the life I climbed,
the moments sublime,
the joy i can never undermine...

Yeah.., it started all alone,
I sat on the silent shore,
expecting the unsure,
Me and just me...behold!
the day came.. and the gentle breeze had its roar.

I enjoyed the sweet blow,
fully mesmerized by its devote,
the charm it had unfold,
the charisma it bore.

At first I thought,
m I part of a perfect plot,
then i re-thought,
no harm to give a shot!

the breeze showed its magic as it pass through,
from left to right, into the groove,
it left its trace just to prove,
m not the one, thrilled to the hoof!

I regained my breathe after a while,
back to normal, in the light,
to find myself in turmoil,
left in dust...soaked in soil.
yea i know, the world is so vile

it had a perfect beginning,
but was it that i was expecting?
shattered my esteem...
did i deserve the happening?
come on, its not that what i think,
but should i think to re-think?

Note: Needs a revamp. it just came to my mind in a single shot.

Why shouldn't I be satisfied...

This thought has been in my mind since I started thinking(that means from long long time back :)), that, why people are not satisfied with their jobs..with the work they do. Did I too felt this anytime? May be yes. People of my field often complain that the job they do is boring and same routine stuff. But I totally disagree on this. A programmer's job is never the same. Every day he codes new logic, learns new tools, faces challenges and what not. I will clearly write the message I am conveying through this writing in the last. Now just have some examples.

In my recent visit to universal studios-Hollywood and other places, I have been silently observing every person who catch my attention. One guy in a shrek like disguise, standing in a corner with a a big smile on his camouflage face and people taking pictures one after the other with him. What the hell is the excitement in doing this kind of work? To quote another.. a lady was sitting on first floor of a made up house and only her face and upper body was visible to the public from the window. She was doing make up and calling people to catch their attention and saying some funny stories. ok, that sounds exciting..may be one time or may be twice, but whats the fun in doing this 100 times a day and 1000 times a year. This is what I understand as a boring and same routine job. I can share dozens of these kind of jobs as I have witnessed, but that might make the things boring here.
Like in India too, there are people who do sorrowful jobs, but back there, most of them will do because they don't get anything else. Like the work of a watchman who stands outside an office or a building or a restaurant or a bank holding a fake gun in his hands..dressed up neatly every day.
Now what say? I have the freedom to wear whatever I like(but decent enough), arrive and leave the office anytime I like, have a lunch break anytime, and the work..different work and different challenges everyday...and on top of all these sitting on a chair for 8 hours and taking a good chunk of money...now if I say I am not satisfied, then I should make myself understand that I can never be satisfied no matter whatever I do.
There is a saying which I like very much, and try to apply it in my life..it goes something like this,
“if you are comparing yourself in terms of religion, look at people who are better and higher then you..and..
if you are comparing yourself in terms of worldly matters like wealth, work or freedom, look at people below you..this will definitely make a person self content and always satisfied..!

The farewell Lunch..!

Well, it wasn't actually a farewell lunch. I had my first ever lunch this Thursday with my manager and two other desi collegues. being a consultant I always use to be left out for lunches..and same with these two desi guys, i wonder why for them! but this week the manager invited me and i took the invitation. the week before he fired two full time employees for no reason. he says he did this to improve the group dynamics, and their skillsets were not matching anymore and not required! ok..so now the count is, 3 fires and 4 resignation in last 6 months!!! and all full time employees! being a consultant Alhamdulillah m still surviving...wonder what, this crazy guy offered me to join full time two weeks back.
so now we just had fun among three of us that whose farewell lunch this would prove to be. out of the three, two were consultants. they were sure that it can't be me :) the other consultant who is a DBA looked to be the next candidate to me! but not so early though.
we went to an Indian restaurant in managers Hybrid Toyota Prius. they had buffet for the lunch, and i could not eat any meat. they had pakodi, samosa, pulao, aaloo gobi curry for me. i filled my plate with pulao. i took two quarter pieces of bread but didnt start eating them until i saw other collegue using his hand for the same! i didn't act smart and used my left hand as usual for holding the spoon! I was scared using right hand and spilling the pakodi or the gobi on my manager's shirt sitting to my right!
And as usual I finished eating before everyone could eat half their plate. I don't have the habit of talking while eating, so this makes the activity quick! the talk was mostly about the market's ups and downs, acquisitions and merging of firms and the IT market history in Denver and surrounding areas. the manager just asked me where was I before joining this company, and I answered that. no more no less!
After everyone finished, the manager told,
"No specific reason for the lunch. I just thought we can sit together so that the group dynamics improves"
Thats it. we came back to work, feeling happy that it wasn't a farewell lunch for anyone!

A year long timeframe - Lost and Found..!

Yes, the year gone has brought a lot of changes in my life. starting the year with few hundred dollars in my account, couple thousand dollars debt on the credit card, no car, no job - freshly graduated, with lot of aspirations and desires to fulfill...now Alhamdulillah i have got whatever i desired for and much much more. the path of my life has been flowing exactly as it has to be. with few friends found and then losing them...though it nullifies the situation and i dont lose anything here. but have learnt lessons out of it.
working on the same contract for almost 9 months now, with good bank balance of which i cant boost of, a stick shift car which i cruise on the narrow lanes with phone in my left hand and rotating my eyeballs all around to look for a cop alert, all crazy petty stuff that always excites me..like the 150GB pocket size USB drive, my new Nokia E51 business phone with wi-fi, the 7.2MP canon camera with a 2GB SD card, with which i have captured all the happy moments i had this year long. and yea..the tiny little GPS which i got today, though i never felt the need for one.
i find travelling very boring, though i love driving myself and visitng places. with visiting nowhere except Dallas before the year started, now Alhamdulillah I have been to many places starting with San Antonio, then Austin, now staying in denver, have been to colorado springs and other nearby cities, chicago - the most awaited trip for me. another big one coming in a month from now to LA, vegas and Grand Canyon...hope to meet few of my college friends there.
by the end of this year have a big plan on my way to India! inshallah that would be the best trip of my life..also 1 week from now and it will be 3 yrs in US!!
not many trials-ordeals for me this year though as they were 2 yrs before this. that doesnt mean i haven't learnt anything..Alhamdulillah i have learnt all kind of knowledge i needed and still in the process..lets see what the year coming will bring for me..!

What am I doing..?

Yes, I really wonder want am I doing. each day is passing along, time is making life move like a roller coaster. I know, I am working -> I am earning, but still why this thought is making my mind disturbed that I am not doing anything worthful.
I know I am fulfilling all the expectations I have from self...but...am I expecting something from others..? from the world...? may be, and I feel this isn't doing good to me. so now what? don't care for the people around me? dont care for my friends...no thats not a good idea...then what...i dont see any solution to my restlessness. life takes you through all ups and downs. this is a good time for me , yet i have my own complains, how selfish it is on my part...
My weakness..may be m weak at heart, i take everything to my heart, when i see something or hear someone i view it from all possible angles. no matter if it isn't of any importance to me or even if it is important to me but is noway concerned for the other party. well thats how i am...and have to cope with it. today i have learnt a lesson though. no, again m wrong...i havent learnt, i have just gone through a lesson. moral of the lesson is below, I dont know when i can grasp it.
"Expecting the world to treat you fairly, is like expecting a lion not to eat you , coz you are a vegetarian"
someone can break your trust within a second with the utterance of a single word. everyone knows that trusting someone other then your own self is foolishness...yet people like me make these kind of mistakes often. Yes, every human is different, with slightest magnitude or totally opposite. your image in the mirror can differ from your personality sometimes. its all your perception. and the perceptions are hard to change..rather nobody likes to change their own.
So whats this all upto? I need to change my self and become strong hearted or feeling less like other people or just be in my cocoon and never try to look out of it. the latter will surely make my life boring and make me boring as a human, but thats what i might prefer from now, after a shattering experience...

PS:- comments are not expected, as my thoughts are noway concerned to any reader. everybody thinks different...

Is your life worth living or is the life you are living, worth calling a 'life'..?

Did you ever imagine what the heck we are doing here? 24 years have spanned and unaware of how much more to come..lost few very dear ones, gained few very sweet ones..and no idea when the loop of this life will merge its initial point. Well I really assume life to be a circle, starting from a point and can have different curvatures all along its path till it reaching its end. Sometimes it climbs a steep curve, sometimes it rushes down, some flat for a while...
So all this analysis is worth analyzing? Absolutely yes. Humans are not like any other creatures, who are unaware of their birth, their death, unaware of what they do every moment. Almost everyday when I drive to and from work, I encounter small helpless animals(sometimes squirrels,sometimes cats, sometimes something I have never seen before) that had been buried above the road, with their bodies lying flat teared out. For instance when I was returning yesterday, 4 small squirrel like creatures were playing on the road. May be they were five or more but one had already seen the fate. They caught my attention long before and so I slowed down. One among them hurriedly ran from the pavement and sat right in the middle of the road showing me his back. I managed to take a cut and slowly pass him through. Did he analyze what his fate could be at that time? How important was his life to himself? What was his aim in life after he got a new breath escaping my car tires? No he doesn't care about all this radical thinking stuff, or probably he just don't have the ability to do it.
Do you and me have this ability? Do we know the importance of our lives? Being a Muslim at least we know why we are here and we will definitely see death in any form anytime. Then why do we still neglect this very truth of our life? ...Forget your wallet a day, why do you care to turn back and get it? You just want to be prepared if a cop catches you or if you go out of gas(petrol).i don't want to go again in the same topic I had before about our luggage to the heaven(or hell).
Every now and then, I look at my own life and compare it with the victims of the recent earthquake in china, the flooding in Myanmar, the everyday killing in Palestine and Iraq. Those people are also humans like us, they have been gifted with the same body and soul as us. Then why are they not given a CHANCE as what we enjoy...hmmm do we realize that we really got a chance? Are we the lucky ones? In what way?
By now you should at least get the answer to the last question...

Attitude..? Confidence..? Ego..? Selfishness..?

Attitude..? Confidence..? Ego Or Selfishness

Do these words sound similar? Which definition of attitude fits you? Confused? May be Yes.
Ego and selfishness might sound negative to you and of course they are but I don’t consider attitude to be a negative quality and something not desirable. Although Attitude can take these three forms, but not all at a time. Attitude keeps a man rocking and get going. It’s the confidence in oneself, and here goes the first meaning of attitude. But but, wait a minute.. how if you start loving your life with no limits, see everything around yourself praising you and your work, feel like your neck has got a cramp and cant look down any further and become so confident that your attitude turns you slowly to be an egoistic and a selfish person. Can this happen? Of course yes. And it happens in such a hidden manner that the person himself will not even be aware of it. He might just think that luck and time are in his favor and God is happy with him :).
Now lets see how exactly Ego can be defined. Ego is simply YOU and only YOU, and for the rest..you don't give a damn. Yes at this point you are confident in yourself but the 'ME and ONLY ME' attitude overtakes the 'confidence' definition of attitude.
I cant figure out much difference between ego and selfishness, and I don't want to browse net or look into a dictionary for the meaning right now. So let me have my own thought here..with an example to understand better. Selfish person is one who always thinks of himself..for only his betterment in any aspect. Like for example, you go to a dinner party with your friends and after reaching there finds that people are on the verge of hitting themselves to get a seat. You feel very hungry, and your friends feel too. But you don't give a damn for the world. You take a big leap and vanish from your group, get a seat, eat up to your brim and then prepare an excuse to defend yourself when you meet your friends later. This is a kind of selfishness you have shown. Whereas Egoistic people do the things more openly. They always enjoy boasting themselves. You ask about there A and B quality and they reply you with C and D as well :). and they don't bother to ask you your opinion or thank you if you have appreciated them in some way.
Well my personal experience with different souls goes this way...people with EGO kind of attitude are tough to correct and mostly incorrigible. They don't like taking help from others, will be deeply buried in problems but doesn't want others to know there situation. over confidence is the foundation that builds the EGO in you.
So what now? understand carefully where you stand and stop at the place where your attitude is in the form of confidence. Don't let it take the next step. And don't let it drop down as well. your body needs food and water to survive, your soul needs faith to be alive, as so your success needs a positive attitude to keep kicking!
There is a kind of flavor in humans which I call as 'liars and pretenders' . This 'quality' can be in combination with the above. These people are very interesting. In short they can go to any extent to please someone they want. It a discussion in itself and probably I'll write about it in my another posting sometime...

PS: These are purely my thoughts regarding the attitude stuff. Other people can have different or exactly opposite thoughts. As this is my blog so you'll find only my thoughts here :). your thoughts are most welcomed as comments...!

Is your luggage packed for the journey?

Here goes my first blog entry finally! I am starting with the thoughts I had in mind that I ponder on everytime I encounter a familiar situation. bear with the length of the post as I was lazy enough to cut it short. but i am sure you will like it and it will be helpful for everyone here.

I read this in the masjid yesterday. couldn't prepare to speak without seeing. so its kind of very descriptive and as it is...

Bismillah Hirrahmaan Nirraheem - All praise is to Allah, the most beneficent and merciful

Alhamdulilla he rabbil alameen – All praise is to Allah, the creator of this universe
Arrahmaan nirraheem – The Compassionate, The Merciful
Maliki yaumiddeen – Master of the Day of Judgment

Brothers, today my talk will mostly be focused on the Day of Judgment, the preparation we are making for it and some of the good qualities which every Muslim can try to adapt. I title my lecture as “Is your luggage packed for the journey”, the journey which can start anytime – by the command of Allah SWT your soul can leave your body right at any moment.
To start with let me tell you that this is the first time ever I am standing in front of a crowd like this and sharing some of my knowledge about our deen which I believe every person as a Muslim should be aware of. I am no close to a perfect Muslim but I struggle to be one…I am making an honest and humble attempt which everyone sitting here has to make, because it is an obligation on every Muslim to spread the word of Allah SWT.
You may not follow whatever I speak today but once I remind you, it kind of I am reminding myself. And after this, if I go away or ignore anything I speak it will inshallah make me feel guilty and will inshallah bring me closer to my religion.
Take whatever good I speak; leave out what you don’t understand. Alhamdulillah everyone sitting here is sensible enough to judge between right, doubtful and wrong. I lack the perfection so may Allah forgive me for this.
Being a Muslim, every person on this planet is aware that one day he will be dead and the chapter of his life in this world will come to an end. Somewhere in his subconscious mind, a thought also sits that there is a never ending life waiting for him after his death. Truly his worldly life is a preparation for the life to come. There are various verses in quran in which Allah SWT gives indications to mankind that his worldly life is a drop in the ocean, and the ocean implies to his life of eternity. If a man thinks rationally why is he different from other creatures in this world, what distinguishes him from animals, what could be the reason he is blessed with a brain, he will surely come to a conclusion that there is someone uncontrollable, invincible, marvelous power, who is in control of all this. AllahuAkbar, it is none other than the only ONE, the one who we believe in and to whom we will return and give hisaab of what we did with the brain he gave us, what we did with the tongue he gave us, were we thankful to the mercies he bestowed onto us?
In the first place itself, think how lucky we are to be born as a Muslim. Brothers I will make you to think a lot today. Ponder over everything around you, and this will inshallah make you and me more and more thankful to Allah SWT.
When we are born, as a child we are sinless and a perfect human. Gradually we grow up, in an environment where there are all kind of people. We struggle half the time in our life to make the next half more better. In this struggle, we forget or just neglect the very purpose of our life. We forget why we were made different, why we are given a chance. I am not talking of an ideal case here. There are people among us Ahamdulillah who knew the very purpose of life. We follow our beloved Prophet Mohammed SAW who has shown us a complete way of life. The kind of life that has been lived by him and it is possible for every Muslim to follow him and improve his life through his teachings.
We should take pride in being a Muslim. But never should be proud of being a white or an Arab or American or something else. Allah created all humans from same substance. When He doesn’t make any distinction then how dare we can? Let’s say you were born in a Jew or a Christian family. Let’s say a well practicing Christian family. Imagine how difficult it would have been for us in this kind of society to understand Islam and get attracted towards it. Understand that it is ONLY Allah who has power on everything and whatever he wills is bound to happen. We have an example of Abu Talib, the uncle of Prophet Mohammed SAW. Inspite of being a very kind and highly respected person in the society with all good qualities, he died not as a Muslim (kaafir). So being born as a Muslim and just ruin ones own life, only a mad person can do this. If a person understands this importance of himself, then there will be nothing in between him and Allah SWT.
Now I will pinpoint some good qualities a Muslim can easily adapt to.
Be humble, as Allah SWT has told us to be. Set yourself as an example to others. Share your knowledge and accept knowledge from others gracefully. Every Muslim has an obligation towards his faith that he should make an attempt to propagate it. Today I am making a humble attempt, and inshallah everyone can try for it. Be good in appearance, your looks, the way you speak etc.
I might make you to think and question yourself a lot here. For this again, you need the weapon that Allah SWT has provided you and made you distinguishable from every other creature on this planet. Look at the big picture… look around your surroundings, look at the flat hard surface on which you walk, think about the thick blue cover on top of you, the sky that provides you with rain. Who has created all this? How much time it might have taken to design? Why is all this created on the first place…? Is it just lying out there without any purpose?
On the other hand, think in a smaller sense; look at the creatures that crawl on the ground that are barely visible to our eyes, with perfect body, from head to toe. Who has put life in them? What is their purpose of being existent? What is your purpose of existence? Should there be a difference in the purpose of creating of you and me and all these other forms of life. Every sane person will have an answer to these questions.
You were born on some day, some hour some time. Did you decide by yourself to enter the world this time? No…. You are aware that you will leave this world sometime. Is that time known to you? Definitely not…
It will be the Almighty’s call that will present us before him. Why is he calling you back?? He gave us something and he wants to know how we have used it, and what we have done with it. He gave us a body, he gave us the most precious of all, the imaan, and he alone has the right to question us about it. Same way if you borrow something from a person and return it after a while, he will do the inspection before taking it back. If the borrowed thing was very expensive or cannot be counted in terms of its value, and if you did not return it as it was, then surely you have to pay for it. Remember Allah is more forgiving, but also remember that he is all knowing, he has sent messenger’s and books to warn you and me and to guide us as well.
You are aware that you can die anytime. Go out of your home, and if Allah wants you back he can make you hit by a car, or he can make you unreactive all of a sudden. What ends here? What will be next? Did you take something with you before leaving? Nothing… After few hours, you will just be wrapped in a piece of white cloth. But yes, absolutely your good deeds, your aamaal will go with you. Take your good deeds with you, take as many as you have, there is no weight or size limitation. Of course our fortunes will already reached the destination, in front of Allah SWT right before we face him.
Let me give you a practical example so that as a human we understand these holy words in a much better way.
Now just imagine the case where, you go to a relatives place and before you reach there, you sent them a very pleasant gift. How will be there reaction, how will they greet you and how will they behave with you. It is the same way with Allah SWT as well, you carry your good deeds with you and that’s what Allah SWT is waiting for to welcome you.
Another example…Suppose you have an interview. Beforehand you will know the time when it is fixed. You know what the requirements are and what is expected out of you. What if got an urgent call, and you don’t meet the requirements as well...you don’t have any choice but to accept the interview call, you leave in a hurry, without any preparation. How are you going to face then? What will be the outcome?
Allah warns mankind in the quran saying, Kullu nafsin zaikhatul maut – every nafs will taste the death- brothers, just analyze how strong and fierce this small sentence is… u got hit by a car, gets wound somewhere on a small part of the body, the pain becomes unbearable – when Allah SWT says every nafs will taste death, then nauzubillah if something worse is kept for us in the hereafter, then there is no mention of the agony it can cause. Indeed Allah is all forgiving for those who believe.
Sabar is another greatest quality a man can possess. The fundamental problem with today’s man is, he expects quick results. He works because he knows he will get paid for it in 15 or 30 days. He learns something for the sake of job because he know what the result will be if he doesn’t do that. He might lose his job or might lose respect for his work if he doesn’t perform well. Ok now, what is he doing for akhirah? Is he not aware of it? It can’t be the case, he knows everything…but he ignores death and akhirah in near future. That’s his blind assumption which makes him restless in this world and perhaps can make his akhirah restless as well. So the point is, remember your death every day, every moment, this will help you inshallah in refraining from even minor sins.
Another good quality is controlling your anger. Allah SWT tells us at many places in quran to control our anger, as anger is the worst enemy. Anger comes from shaitan. When you are angry you lose control over your mind. In situations remember the sayings of our beloved prophet Mohammed SAW.
Lets speak about Quran – Quran…read it understand it. I read quran in Arabic many times, though unaware of what the message is, except knowing the meaning of few surah . This copy which you see in my hand, I picked it few weeks back from the shelf here. I read the small surah’s first with translation and got interest in it. Alhamdulillah Allah promises us - if you walk towards me I will run towards you – this means make an effort and Allah will guide you from there on. So Alhamdulillah I have completed surah bawaqa, may be the longest chapter in quran – and I was completely mesmerized by the beauty of quran, Alhamdulillah just in 50 pages out of 700 I learnt so many qualities and good deeds that I feel confident today to share this knowledge with you all. And I am excited that I have still lot more to learn and this is not the ending. And understand that its never too late to gain knowledge, its an ongoing process, but also keep in mind that your time in this world is not fixed. A person taking an action on time is considered to be a wise man. A Muslim should never be self satisfied with his knowledge, there is always scope to learn more, and keep in mind one thing “you cannot improve on what you don’t measure” that means if you don’t measure what is the extent of your knowledge and is happy with what you know, then you don’t feel the need to improve yourself? Right? So measure yourself in your deen , in your deeds, and struggle to improve – that’s how the life of a muslim should be. The young people among us should consider themselves lucky, that if they realize the purpose of there life now, then inshallah they can build a good akhirah for themselves. Be linked to your community – if u r not then you won’t realize in no time how far you will be gone from your religion.
Another good quality a man should try to adopt is to earn Sawabe jariah or sadqe jariah – It is the sawaab we get on performing a noble deed and which gets multiplied over time. For example, you give a ride to a person who doesn’t have a car, it’s a good deed and you will be paid in good by Allah SWT for it. But this sawaab is for one time. On the other hand, if you donate a wheel chair to hospital, every time a sick person uses it, you will be gaining sawaab inshallah, even when you are dead. Other acts can be - take part in building a masjid – distribute a copy of hadeeth or quran – share your knowledge with someone even if it is a single ayat.
Distinguish between halal and haraam. Abstain from riba. We should be strict in whatever we follow. Remember that there is no leniency in Allah’s commands to mankind.
The life of a Muslim is a test in this world – Allah SWT says in Quran, “we shall surely test you with fear and hunger, loss of property and lives and crops. Be steadfast. Allah is with those who are steadfast.”
In the last few ayats of surah buqarah, Allah SWT establishes a rule for Muslims in how money or goods related dealings should be made. this is the longest ayat in the quran, that states a complete transaction law. Allah says here, “Whether you make known what is in your minds or hide them; Allah will bring you to account for them.” At the time, when these verses were revealed, the sahaba of those times got terrified and alarmed with the enormous responsibility implied by these and the related verses. In the last ayat, Allah SWT consoles them and lessens there burden.
You might have listened what I am reciting next many times in prayer or an imam making dua, but for those who do not understand Arabic like me, let me read it out…
La yukallifula hu nafsan illa wus aha……”Allah does not charge a soul with more then what it can bear”. Understand the beauty of this verse. Try to apply whatever you listen whatever you read to your life. Quran is not a fictional story book... it is a complete way of life…that means it can be well applied in your lives practically, in any situation.
Then following this, Allah SWT bestows us with a dua to end this surah beautifully. They can’t be an ending perfect then this… it contains the essence of Islam ie submission to the divine will.
Let’s pray to Allah to make us a better Muslim each day, to guide us to the right path, to make us aware of what is halal and what is haraam,
Rabbana latu-akhizna innaseena auakhtana….

La ilaha illa anta subhanaka inni kuntu minazzalimeen – There is no God but You; Glory be to You, Truly I have been one of the wrongdoers. Verses from Surah al-Anbiyah [21: 87]
This dua was made by Younis alaihissalaam to Allah SWT when he was in the belly of the big fish. He says here, “truly I have been one of the wrong doers”. By this I end my lecture leaving you and myself reminded again how much wrongdoers are we compared to the sahaba of the prophets era. Indeed there is no comparison.

Jazakallah khair.